2026 Update

17-June-2026

Wednesday

3:15am

its been almost three years, I have returned to update, incase the previous posts wasn't clear, I'm have live basically the same life for the past 5-6 years, I noted some activities I did the most in my daily life, in 2023 I spent several months in Ipoh, then went back to KL, and then repeat again in 2024, but 2024 was the year I moved back to Ipoh after spending almost 12 years in KL, I think probably after 10 years I already started thinking like 'I overstayed, I overdue my stayed', like I'm in contemplating between continuing to stay in KL or return to Ipoh and stay with my parents. In the end I chose the latter. (context of why I leave in the first place, was logistical reasons, at that time I was staying with one of my brother and he was moving out)

coming back to Ipoh after almost 12 years, not really big deal to adapt back, almost like I never left at all, it is the place where I was raised and spent most of my life anyway. after coming back, there was few things to clear up, like physically, first was the myvi which I drove most of the time, then stuff in my current room, they all are clothes or toys from childhood, in 2024 there was a few fix happened, a few places were leaking water from rain, the toilet, the indoor sink, the spot where the internet modem was used to be, then there was the pipe of the indoor sink leaking, all were most likely just due to aging, in 2025 the indoor sink leak were fixed, then there was a leak of the waste pipe in the toilet of master room, in between all these, there was recurrent of roof leaks, especially in the toilet, which were fixed for real-real sometime in 2025, in 2026Q1, a stair-carpet change after around 20 years, followed by the waste pipe in the toilet of master room which were fixed for real-real after previously only 'sprayed' by a previous repairmen, this time it was changing the pipes as there was a big hole, oh and before this I reconnected with my old school friend, Kelvin - I used to call him the cake guy because he bakes, then there was a hole in another side of the roof causing a leak, which were repair and they suspected it was a fallen roof tile from neighbour house (we ourselves theorized that it could be a firecracker).

fast forward to couple weeks before qingming, we were going to pray to grandfather, but due to an unforeseen circumstance it was cancelled, father suddenly had leg weakness - he couldn't stand back up after feeling it coming and sat on the toilet floor, force majeure is the word used by my brother, we all thought it was a nothingburger, fast forward 2 weeks onto the night of April 1, same thing happened again, but this time it was at the dining table, mother called for a freelance male nurse to help, blood pressure was low like half of the normal range, blood sugar is like 3-4 times the normal level, as it was night time - decided to call for ambulance at morning, reason is father is alert/conscious/responding, so there was the hospital visit, nothing good, many issues, first and foremost is jaundice, then the assigned doctor arrived (Dr. Lim, previously was the doctor in the emergency department - Dr. Daniel), explained the condition to him, he even paused for a bit after mother revealed that grandfather had pancreatic cancer, after a bit he said 'not stable', bunch of the issues, basically Dr. Lim & Dato Andrew - Gastrointestinal (Liver), Dr. Pang - Nephrologist (Kidney), turns out there was a blockage/growth in duodenum, inserted stent, scraped the growth for analysis, result came out, turns out to be Ampullary Cancer.

atmosphere changed, I myself already prepared for this possibility since the moment Dr. Lim had that brief pause, after letting the cat out the bag, discussed treatment options, decided to go with chemotherapy, in comes Dr. Zul - Oncologist (Cancer), in addition also recommended a heart specialist but father denied (too many doctors, shook father), discharged and went home first, first chemo session scheduled in 2 weeks, in that 2 weeks father was staying in his room (master room), I've became like a night-shift caregiver, all my brothers came back, the relatives came to pay a visit, the relatives is probably due to me, I got 'desperate' since father suddenly went u-turn and doesn't want to do chemo, after all these, he eventually returned back to original position and decided to go do chemo, first chemo drip was unexpected, I myself thought it would be something 'not good', but it seems not bad, first few days father was positive and hopeful, saying things like (hou choi ngo zhou chemo, mei gua ngo tei ngo ngmm dek geh la), discharged and went home to continue have chemo orally.

fast forward a week after the first chemo drip, things started to change, father had sudden weakness and drop again, for almost 12 hours my father refused to go get checked or anything after we reiterated that we (my mother and I) couldn't get him to stand, and his legs was totally without energy, so he finally agreed, ambulance came, got him to emergency department, he having a slight fever, and something going on with his heart - his heart bpm were like around 120 (normal range 60-100), administered a medicine to slow it down, and assigned Dr. Hameeth - Cardiologist (Heart), next day seems normal, until close to 8pm where he asked for toilet commode but nurses insists on diapers as he was without energy, his heart bpm spiked to 130-170, have to admit to hdu (high dependency unit) but the place was full so went to icu instead, analysis came out, turns out father contracted a bacterial infection - Klebsiella Pneumoniae ssp Pneumoniae, prescribed the proper antibiotics and discharged (btw this means his first chemo session was stopped after only like 7 days), now he totally cant walk and standing is already hard (previously he can still walk with the support of walking frame).

about two days after this May 10, he suddenly went into like a deep sleep, I myself at that time feared a coma or something related as I think father was sleeping since before evening, called ambulance after 'idling' for almost a couple hours (I wanna say that I probably pushed for this as mother lightly suggested to call ambulance only in the morning), turns out father was having hypoglycemia, his blood sugar was 1.3 (hence I think if I didn't push for the hospital visit, he would've have died if waited until morning), the cancer was probably 'activating' again, causing havoc, sugar level going up and down, proceeded with second chemo session, then discharged on May 15, couple days after that May 18, in comes caregiver Vicki, wound dressing nurse Kok, palliative care nurse Esther, everything seems to be ok (except I do wanna point out some maybe not-clean practices, Vicki wears the same gloves to wipe his shit and wash his hair), his sugar level suddenly slowly spiking up, my father passed away on May 26, funeral session, cremated on May 28, inurned on May 29.

until today, a lot was going on, emotionally, all of us grief in our way, as over time it gets 'easier' to try accept what happened, initially was so sad, I told myself the usual, we can't grief forever, we can't be sad forever, the show must go on, life goes on, eventually we have to move on, I even though I needed a therapist, turns out I just needed to blast some Linkin Park, as same as before, I thought I was emotionally dead, but I can still cry, the most I ever had (I cried when I clean his teapot, I cried when I know about the cancer which means death is approaching, I cried just calling out my father 'ba' when he already passed, I am reminded of it everyday as I try to move on, I think about it too much, I spent like 2/3 of my life being around my parents after all, its like the hardest period I ever had, at least emotionally, do I have regrets? I think I do, I learned about regret the hardest after my dog Billy passed, that took me like a decade or so to shake off that feeling (which I regret that I didn't treat my dog more kindly), now I regret that I declined when my father asked me to have breakfast with him, twice, I thought to myself that I will accept at the third time which is if he ask me again but it never happened.. that was before all this cancer diagnosis, his symptoms started being noticeable on the second day of CNY when he said he was uncomfortable and didn't dine with us, after that he started to ask me to help him buy coconut water, and he will also rest/sleep during morning/noon as well (in addition to the usual night sleep), problem is that he is 'stubborn', when my mother inquired about his health, he would say that he is fine/ok.

when my father passed, his bpm/bodytemp was in the normal range, with spo2 fluctuating which I myself that time thought it could be erroneous reading due to cold air, in the first day I asked myself, what happened, how it happened, why it happened, what could I have done, what should I have done, what did I miss, as now I'm starting to piece together of the details, I start to get an idea and theorized of what happened, the official reason is just cancer, but I wanted to find out the actual cause, so here's what I thought, his immune system was already weakened by diabetes, even more by chemotherapy, exposing his system, he contracted Klebsiella Pneumoniae infection, I believe he was discharged while still having Klebsiella Pneumoniae infection, or a relapse of the infection, or a an infection by a different strain of it, as Klebsiella Pneumoniae lives in the gut, father had Diamicron, Galvus, Concor, chemo pills, so the Concor masked the bpm spiking high, so nobody saw the warning signs like being delirium/delirious and the declining spo2 which did not raised alarms (which it should have), at least that is what I thought, and I will put that as the most likely cause of what pulled the trigger, other than that is the already existing high blood sugar (hyperglycemia), I think it would provide some sort of a 'proper' closure instead of leaving it hanging..

I don't know what else to type down, I might have missed some details, but I'll leave it for next time if I remember it..

my usual movie review since the last post;

2023

Oppenheimer - good, the story about Oppenheimer, executed perfectly, I think its a good biopic, and also interesting if you wanna see how they tackle it

Meg 2: The Trench - popcorn flick, something you wanna kill your time

The Equalizer 3 - popcorn flick, same as above but better imo

The Nun II - popcorn flick, same as above but ok lore wise

A Haunting in Venice - just ok, a bit boring

Expend4bles - just ok, think if you knew about the previous ones, this will be ok

Saw X - ok, usual saw flick, now I already forgotten what took place,

Five Nights at Freddy's - good, interesting lore and good horror, also a popcorn flick

The Marvels - just ok, I think trying to be humorous and serious at the same time but not landing it right, at least I remember the main point of the movie,

Rebel Moon - just ok, quite long as well, mixing them both makes you hope the movie ends faster

Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom - above ok but below good, a quite ok movie, probably because of the brotherly ties involved, basically two brothers on an adventure

2024

Dune: Part Two - good+popcorn flick, lisan al ghaib

Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire - popcorn flick, another usual monsterverse flick

Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes - above ok but below good, interested to see how it turned out after the previous one, a fresh start but still some references to those from before

Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga - popcorn flick, just like previous mad max movie, not bad

A Quiet Place: Day One - popcorn flick, same as above

Deadpool & Wolverine - popcorn flick, quite in its own thing separate from the MCU, not bad

Alien: Romulus - good+popcorn flick, I like it personally 

Rebel Ridge - popcorn flick, not bad

2025

Captain America: Brave New World - popcorn flick, not bad, but expected more

The Gorge - popcorn flick, not bad, a bit like a generic zombie movie but better

Mickey 17 - good+popcorn flick, not bad, pretty good sci-fi

Sinners - good+popcorn flick, not bad, missed out on fantasy stuffs for a while

Thunderbolts* - good+popcorn flick, not bad, too bad it wasn't successful

Final Destination Bloodlines - popcorn flick, not bad, interesting tie-in lore with previous entry

Mission: Impossible – The Final Reckoning - popcorn flick, a bit disappointed compared to previous entry, like this one was built up, but was quite generic and predictable

Ballerina - popcorn flick, not bad, good addition to the John Wick universe

Predator: Killer of Killers - popcorn flick, good addition to the Predator universe

28 Years Later - ok, think you only like it if you know about the previous entries

F1 - popcorn flick, if you wanna kill time

M3GAN 2.0 - popcorn flick, not bad

Jurassic World Rebirth - popcorn flick, a fresh start with new story, but becoming quite generic with people running away from dinosaurs

Superman - popcorn flick, first film of the new DCU, an ok start

The Fantastic Four: First Steps - popcorn flick, not bad, a new adaptation of the fantastic four

Tron: Ares - popcorn flick, if you went in without knowing previous entry probably good, movie title Tron but got no Tron, should be Ares: From the World of Tron

Predator: Badlands - popcorn flick, no expectation watching it, but not bad

Now You See Me: Now You Don't - just ok, probably ok if you dont know about the previous entry, I think its a let down compare to the 2nd one, main/original cast is sidelined as supporting characters

Wake Up Dead Man - popcorn flick but for once, since its a mystery movie just as the previous entry, you probably can only watch it once, then have to wait for a while until you forget most of it

Five Nights at Freddy's 2 - good popcorn flick, I like it

Avatar: Fire and Ash - popcorn flick, getting a bit generic with same storyline

2026

28 Years Later: The Bone Temple - ok, only if you watched the previous one, I thought this will be silly as I've seen the previous one but actually ok

Iron Lung - popcorn flick, interesting lore, I've never played the game

Project Hail Mary - good+popcorn flick, same author who wrote The Martian, I liked both, watched this blind, I initially wasn't much interested in it, but after watching it, wow

Michael - good+popcorn flick, good biopic

Apex - popcorn flick, just a generic serial killer film

Mortal Kombat II - good+popcorn flick, I liked it, way more better than first one

7:02am

Wednesday

17-June-2026