2026 Update

17-June-2026

Wednesday

3:15am

its been almost three years, I have returned to update, incase the previous posts wasn't clear, I'm have live basically the same life for the past 5-6 years, I noted some activities I did the most in my daily life, in 2023 I spent several months in Ipoh, then went back to KL, and then repeat again in 2024, but 2024 was the year I moved back to Ipoh after spending almost 12 years in KL, I think probably after 10 years I already started thinking like 'I overstayed, I overdue my stayed', like I'm in contemplating between continuing to stay in KL or return to Ipoh and stay with my parents. In the end I chose the latter. (context of why I leave in the first place, was logistical reasons, at that time I was staying with one of my brother and he was moving out)

coming back to Ipoh after almost 12 years, not really big deal to adapt back, almost like I never left at all, it is the place where I was raised and spent most of my life anyway. after coming back, there was few things to clear up, like physically, first was the myvi which I drove most of the time, then stuff in my current room, they all are clothes or toys from childhood, in 2024 there was a few fix happened, a few places were leaking water from rain, the toilet, the indoor sink, the spot where the internet modem was used to be, then there was the pipe of the indoor sink leaking, all were most likely just due to aging, in 2025 the indoor sink leak were fixed, then there was a leak of the waste pipe in the toilet of master room, in between all these, there was recurrent of roof leaks, especially in the toilet, which were fixed for real-real sometime in 2025, in 2026Q1, a stair-carpet change after around 20 years, followed by the waste pipe in the toilet of master room which were fixed for real-real after previously only 'sprayed' by a previous repairmen, this time it was changing the pipes as there was a big hole, oh and before this I reconnected with my old school friend, Kelvin - I used to call him the cake guy because he bakes, then there was a hole in another side of the roof causing a leak, which were repair and they suspected it was a fallen roof tile from neighbour house (we ourselves theorized that it could be a firecracker).

fast forward to couple weeks before qingming, we were going to pray to grandfather, but due to an unforeseen circumstance it was cancelled, father suddenly had leg weakness - he couldn't stand back up after feeling it coming and sat on the toilet floor, force majeure is the word used by my brother, we all thought it was a nothingburger, fast forward 2 weeks onto the night of April 1, same thing happened again, but this time it was at the dining table, mother called for a freelance male nurse to help, blood pressure was low like half of the normal range, blood sugar is like 3-4 times the normal level, as it was night time - decided to call for ambulance at morning, reason is father is alert/conscious/responding, so there was the hospital visit, nothing good, many issues, first and foremost is jaundice, then the assigned doctor arrived (Dr. Lim, previously was the doctor in the emergency department - Dr. Daniel), explained the condition to him, he even paused for a bit after mother revealed that grandfather had pancreatic cancer, after a bit he said 'not stable', bunch of the issues, basically Dr. Lim & Dato Andrew - Gastrointestinal (Liver), Dr. Pang - Nephrologist (Kidney), turns out there was a blockage/growth in duodenum, inserted stent, scraped the growth for analysis, result came out, turns out to be Ampullary Cancer.

atmosphere changed, I myself already prepared for this possibility since the moment Dr. Lim had that brief pause, after letting the cat out the bag, discussed treatment options, decided to go with chemotherapy, in comes Dr. Zul - Oncologist (Cancer), in addition also recommended a heart specialist but father denied (too many doctors, shook father), discharged and went home first, first chemo session scheduled in 2 weeks, in that 2 weeks father was staying in his room (master room), I've became like a night-shift caregiver, all my brothers came back, the relatives came to pay a visit, the relatives is probably due to me, I got 'desperate' since father suddenly went u-turn and doesn't want to do chemo, after all these, he eventually returned back to original position and decided to go do chemo, first chemo drip was unexpected, I myself thought it would be something 'not good', but it seems not bad, first few days father was positive and hopeful, saying things like (hou choi ngo zhou chemo, mei gua ngo tei ngo ngmm dek geh la), discharged and went home to continue have chemo orally.

fast forward a week after the first chemo drip, things started to change, father had sudden weakness and drop again, for almost 12 hours my father refused to go get checked or anything after we reiterated that we (my mother and I) couldn't get him to stand, and his legs was totally without energy, so he finally agreed, ambulance came, got him to emergency department, he having a slight fever, and something going on with his heart - his heart bpm were like around 120 (normal range 60-100), administered a medicine to slow it down, and assigned Dr. Hameeth - Cardiologist (Heart), next day seems normal, until close to 8pm where he asked for toilet commode but nurses insists on diapers as he was without energy, his heart bpm spiked to 130-170, have to admit to hdu (high dependency unit) but the place was full so went to icu instead, analysis came out, turns out father contracted a bacterial infection - Klebsiella Pneumoniae ssp Pneumoniae, prescribed the proper antibiotics and discharged (btw this means his first chemo session was stopped after only like 7 days), now he totally cant walk and standing is already hard (previously he can still walk with the support of walking frame).

about two days after this May 10, he suddenly went into like a deep sleep, I myself at that time feared a coma or something related as I think father was sleeping since before evening, called ambulance after 'idling' for almost a couple hours (I wanna say that I probably pushed for this as mother lightly suggested to call ambulance only in the morning), turns out father was having hypoglycemia, his blood sugar was 1.3 (hence I think if I didn't push for the hospital visit, he would've have died if waited until morning), the cancer was probably 'activating' again, causing havoc, sugar level going up and down, proceeded with second chemo session, then discharged on May 15, couple days after that May 18, in comes caregiver Vicki, wound dressing nurse Kok, palliative care nurse Esther, everything seems to be ok (except I do wanna point out some maybe not-clean practices, Vicki wears the same gloves to wipe his shit and wash his hair), his sugar level suddenly slowly spiking up, my father passed away on May 26, funeral session, cremated on May 28, inurned on May 29.

until today, a lot was going on, emotionally, all of us grief in our way, as over time it gets 'easier' to try accept what happened, initially was so sad, I told myself the usual, we can't grief forever, we can't be sad forever, the show must go on, life goes on, eventually we have to move on, I even though I needed a therapist, turns out I just needed to blast some Linkin Park, as same as before, I thought I was emotionally dead, but I can still cry, the most I ever had (I cried when I clean his teapot, I cried when I know about the cancer which means death is approaching, I cried just calling out my father 'ba' when he already passed, I am reminded of it everyday as I try to move on, I think about it too much, I spent like 2/3 of my life being around my parents after all, its like the hardest period I ever had, at least emotionally, do I have regrets? I think I do, I learned about regret the hardest after my dog Billy passed, that took me like a decade or so to shake off that feeling (which I regret that I didn't treat my dog more kindly), now I regret that I declined when my father asked me to have breakfast with him, twice, I thought to myself that I will accept at the third time which is if he ask me again but it never happened.. that was before all this cancer diagnosis, his symptoms started being noticeable on the second day of CNY when he said he was uncomfortable and didn't dine with us, after that he started to ask me to help him buy coconut water, and he will also rest/sleep during morning/noon as well (in addition to the usual night sleep), problem is that he is 'stubborn', when my mother inquired about his health, he would say that he is fine/ok.

when my father passed, his bpm/bodytemp was in the normal range, with spo2 fluctuating which I myself that time thought it could be erroneous reading due to cold air, in the first day I asked myself, what happened, how it happened, why it happened, what could I have done, what should I have done, what did I miss, as now I'm starting to piece together of the details, I start to get an idea and theorized of what happened, the official reason is just cancer, but I wanted to find out the actual cause, so here's what I thought, his immune system was already weakened by diabetes, even more by chemotherapy, exposing his system, he contracted Klebsiella Pneumoniae infection, I believe he was discharged while still having Klebsiella Pneumoniae infection, or a relapse of the infection, or a an infection by a different strain of it, as Klebsiella Pneumoniae lives in the gut, father had Diamicron, Galvus, Concor, chemo pills, so the Concor masked the bpm spiking high, so nobody saw the warning signs like being delirium/delirious and the declining spo2 which did not raised alarms (which it should have), at least that is what I thought, and I will put that as the most likely cause of what pulled the trigger, other than that is the already existing high blood sugar (hyperglycemia), I think it would provide some sort of a 'proper' closure instead of leaving it hanging..

I don't know what else to type down, I might have missed some details, but I'll leave it for next time if I remember it..

my usual movie review since the last post;

2023

Oppenheimer - good, the story about Oppenheimer, executed perfectly, I think its a good biopic, and also interesting if you wanna see how they tackle it

Meg 2: The Trench - popcorn flick, something you wanna kill your time

The Equalizer 3 - popcorn flick, same as above but better imo

The Nun II - popcorn flick, same as above but ok lore wise

A Haunting in Venice - just ok, a bit boring

Expend4bles - just ok, think if you knew about the previous ones, this will be ok

Saw X - ok, usual saw flick, now I already forgotten what took place,

Five Nights at Freddy's - good, interesting lore and good horror, also a popcorn flick

The Marvels - just ok, I think trying to be humorous and serious at the same time but not landing it right, at least I remember the main point of the movie,

Rebel Moon - just ok, quite long as well, mixing them both makes you hope the movie ends faster

Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom - above ok but below good, a quite ok movie, probably because of the brotherly ties involved, basically two brothers on an adventure

2024

Dune: Part Two - good+popcorn flick, lisan al ghaib

Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire - popcorn flick, another usual monsterverse flick

Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes - above ok but below good, interested to see how it turned out after the previous one, a fresh start but still some references to those from before

Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga - popcorn flick, just like previous mad max movie, not bad

A Quiet Place: Day One - popcorn flick, same as above

Deadpool & Wolverine - popcorn flick, quite in its own thing separate from the MCU, not bad

Alien: Romulus - good+popcorn flick, I like it personally 

Rebel Ridge - popcorn flick, not bad

2025

Captain America: Brave New World - popcorn flick, not bad, but expected more

The Gorge - popcorn flick, not bad, a bit like a generic zombie movie but better

Mickey 17 - good+popcorn flick, not bad, pretty good sci-fi

Sinners - good+popcorn flick, not bad, missed out on fantasy stuffs for a while

Thunderbolts* - good+popcorn flick, not bad, too bad it wasn't successful

Final Destination Bloodlines - popcorn flick, not bad, interesting tie-in lore with previous entry

Mission: Impossible – The Final Reckoning - popcorn flick, a bit disappointed compared to previous entry, like this one was built up, but was quite generic and predictable

Ballerina - popcorn flick, not bad, good addition to the John Wick universe

Predator: Killer of Killers - popcorn flick, good addition to the Predator universe

28 Years Later - ok, think you only like it if you know about the previous entries

F1 - popcorn flick, if you wanna kill time

M3GAN 2.0 - popcorn flick, not bad

Jurassic World Rebirth - popcorn flick, a fresh start with new story, but becoming quite generic with people running away from dinosaurs

Superman - popcorn flick, first film of the new DCU, an ok start

The Fantastic Four: First Steps - popcorn flick, not bad, a new adaptation of the fantastic four

Tron: Ares - popcorn flick, if you went in without knowing previous entry probably good, movie title Tron but got no Tron, should be Ares: From the World of Tron

Predator: Badlands - popcorn flick, no expectation watching it, but not bad

Now You See Me: Now You Don't - just ok, probably ok if you dont know about the previous entry, I think its a let down compare to the 2nd one, main/original cast is sidelined as supporting characters

Wake Up Dead Man - popcorn flick but for once, since its a mystery movie just as the previous entry, you probably can only watch it once, then have to wait for a while until you forget most of it

Five Nights at Freddy's 2 - good popcorn flick, I like it

Avatar: Fire and Ash - popcorn flick, getting a bit generic with same storyline

2026

28 Years Later: The Bone Temple - ok, only if you watched the previous one, I thought this will be silly as I've seen the previous one but actually ok

Iron Lung - popcorn flick, interesting lore, I've never played the game

Project Hail Mary - good+popcorn flick, same author who wrote The Martian, I liked both, watched this blind, I initially wasn't much interested in it, but after watching it, wow

Michael - good+popcorn flick, good biopic

Apex - popcorn flick, just a generic serial killer film

Mortal Kombat II - good+popcorn flick, I liked it, way more better than first one

7:02am

Wednesday

17-June-2026

25-July-2023

 25-July-2023

Tuesday

11:38pm

#86

hello, its me again, been almost a year, just a repeat of basically last year, what I do is still the same, volunteering as liquipedia editor (albeit I do do a lot of updating), sometimes I get donation - its the same person all along (just a small amount compared to minimum wage), for now I currently live with my parents, think will probably stay here for a couple months, my plan was always the same, reduce my volunteer work and get a irl job - although I always procrastinate the plan every year lol, but maybe this year is actual real.

relationship with my brothers more or less the same, except maybe my 4th - I have no idea if I mentioned before that I got four brothers. there was this one time, I forgot when was it, but it was during a car ride from Ipoh to KL, I had a argument with my 3rd bro - after that I also exploded at my 4th bro. though after that I quickly back to peace/zen mode as I always do. because at this age its not wise/good/healthy to have argument/drama with family members, not sure about relatives though lol, I like to think I always have been on a 'good' side with my bros (not sure about them towards me though) except 4th, we always have on and off speaking terms.

movie time, its been a year, surely watched more than a few movies, maybe I'll go through them with random thoughts.

Prey - good, not bad of a design of a predator, a prequel

Black Adam - mediocre, I do think the people involved tried sincerely

Black Panther: Wakanda Forever - mediocre, same as above

Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery - good, I have no idea how to talk about this, I just think its good

Avatar: The Way of Water - neutral, I never get to really experience as a whole, as my first experience with it didn't go well, I'll remember this movie release for the wrong reasons, after maybe two-third into the movie, my chest started to pain, the intensity causes me almost want go exit the theatre into the hallway to somehow relieve myself, I have no idea the cause, maybe my sitting posture or whatever, then I lost consciousness and awaken after 10-13 minutes (I checked the time later), I felt the experience of slowly regaining consciousness as I started to hear dialogues of the movie again but the world is black to me, I woke up, I'm not sure but I might sweated, after the movie ends, I exited the mall and just sit on a sidewalk, trying to slowly regain my strength, although my chest continues to pain if I walk, well perhaps because the heart beats faster when walking, so everynow and then I have to stop to relieve the pain, I finally reached home, and lied on the bed for a couple minutes, the pain during walk went on for several days, although it gradually becomes less intense and lesser. I have no idea what episodes I had, I remember googling the symptoms I had lol, could be collapse lung, heart attack, cardiac arrest. although I think I'm too young to have that right? haha, no way its due to empty stomach, I believed I ate before that 3h movie.

so if you gave me list of choice of the movies above, I would rewatch Prey or Glass Onion

Knock at the Cabin - mediocre, I think its only good for one watch

Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania - mediocre, the trailers portrayed it very good, the actual film itself is just so so, serious Kang in a comedic movie, not workable(?)

Cocaine Bear - mediocre, this one quite lol, I think if you got time to kill then can try watch this

65 - mediocre, I always see Adam Driver as a villain type, as I was introduced to him through Star Wars, so its hard to accept when he's playing a hero type

Shazam! Fury of the Gods - mediocre, I don't think the first one is better, its more or less the same, but I do agree that some scenes doesn't go well

John Wick: Chapter 4 - very good, I have no idea what clicks but John Wick films is always good, the only one thing I might consider is some action scenes the extra is clearly waiting for Wick to hit, so that makes me want to trim those scenes a little

Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves - good, I only heard about the game/books but never knew about it, so I watched it with no expectations, turns out really good itself

The Super Mario Bros. Movie - good, gonna agree with some reaction videos, I think its good because of the nostalgias it had, although I would think if a person never had any experience with the games - that person would also think its good

Evil Dead Rise - good, again no idea what clicks, but I only watched the modern recent Evil Dead and this one, think they're both good, I dont think I have a like for horror films, just if I like it then I like it

Guy Ritchie's The Covenant - mediocre, no idea what to say although I do remember the basic story

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 - very good, the only one time I ever cried in a movie theater, I think before this I only had wet eyes or feel sad, but this one actually made me cry, a good ending for the crew nonetheless

Fast X - good, haha I actually like this one, think its a lot better than the previous one

Transformers: Rise of the Beast - mediocre, I think to go from bumblebee to this its a bit too much,

The Flash - above mediocre, I know there's a lot of negative things, but I think as a film its not that bad, able to rewatch it

Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny - good, not very interested with the trailers, but the film itself is not bad, able to rewatch it

Insidious: The Red Door - mediocre, as with generic horror films, think its good for one watch only

Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning Part One - good, MI movies always good to watch

12:44am

Wednesday

26-July-2022

28-July-2022

28-July-2022

Thursday

02:54am

#85

oh hey, I'm still here, 

I think basically my life is the same in 2020 as in 2019, though I quit my job in second to last day of 2020.

so began 2021, I think of taking a break for a few months before perhaps getting a new job, but I procrastinate until this day. In 2021, I think I also did the same stuffs as in 2020 except that I dont have a salaried job. Though I think I grew a lot personally as an individual, through all kinds of stuff as usual, movies, internet and esports. 

Now I didn't check my old posts to see whether I mentioned it, but I do volunteer as a Liquipedia editor, initially it was a side project of Team Liquid that now has grown to one of the best resource of esports wiki (some games that it covers). Most articles/pages is maintained by a community of volunteers around the world. So it was a great experience to talk/connect with those people. (The developers keep the site alive, and develop).

I think my parents didn't mind much about me not having a job, my father did initially keep tells me to get a job, any job, my mother, well my mother (I'm not good with EQ with parents as usual), as usual I'm not even sure if my brothers care anyway, 

I do wanna share some thoughts I have,

simple example; my brother dislikes me taking pictures of him, I shared to my family group, nowhere else (because why would I do that), sometime some other family member also dissed the action, so I stopped, for the sake of not wanting to ruin the family bond, but when my brother takes pictures of me and shared to the family group (same thing I did), everything is fine, nothing.. I can't help but see the hypocrisy.. sometimes some sarcastic posts of me, example sarcastic posts; me doing laundry for one fabric being energy friendly, (I only use the machine twice a week, sometimes thrice depending on situations), but when housemate use it almost daily, everything is fine... nothing, sometimes I just wanna say that my brother is a keyboard warrior, I deemed it so since few years ago when dissing in group chat but not dare to face other people in real life.. there are some other hypocrisy that I noticed.. but for the sake of keeping the family group drama-free, I stayed quiet for many many years

this thing I wanna point out too; 

housemate A got sick, his brother got him food and beverages

I got sick, my brother record my coughing sounds (like.. why?)

as I grow older I don't mind/care about a lot of things, but I do think for situations like this, its better if one does not do anything at all if one cant help

but sometimes when you see something, notice something, you generate thoughts

back to esports, I only hang around for dota2 esports, I think one reason why I volunteer for Liquipedia is that the platform caters to thousand or millions of people around the world, yes it doesn't pay, I can't last forever, but when if I get a salaried job, I'll try to balance it out

there many people that I know (not personally in real life obviously) through that platform, increasing my experiences, I do attribute Liquipedia to me knowing some basic geography, country that I dont know existed, some ISO codes, heck I still remember some people

example this one person I like to call panda (because the profile picture is Panda Express), sarcastic person, cracks up sarcastic jokes, but left due to irl obligations (though he himself pointed he wanna leave, because well its a volunteer thing and before he left he mention about fiancée)

there are many others too 

and many other tournament organizer

-------------------------------------------------------

usually I mentioned about movies that I watched too, guess I still can, the only movie I watched in theater in 2020 that I remember is "Tenet", its not bad, but I think its complicated/sophisticated for normal movie-goers, 

some movies that I remember watching in 2021; 

Boss Level - I like this one, its a time loop movie, I first experienced time loop movie in 2014 by "Edge of Tomorrow"

Zack Snyder's Justice League - I do think its an improvement over the theatrical cut, obviously due to it being 4 hours of runtime, more content

Mortal Kombat - its fine, but I do think it might have been even better, but probably due to limited resources so its understandable

Wrath of Man - good, Guy Ritchie action film

Army of the Dead - good, Zack Snyder zombie film

Spiral - well the same as predecessor style

A Quiet Place Part II - good story

The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It - not good, not bad, just normal

Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard - funny as predecessor

F9 - honestly think some lazy writing is involved, dead/retired characters coming back, kinda defeats the purpose of the emotion one gone though when experiencing the earlier movies

The Tomorrow War - not good, not bad, just normal, but time travel and war with aliens

Black Widow - definitely feels like a standalone movie, perhaps it should have been made earlier to slot in earlier time window

Pig - good story

Snake Eyes - feels a bit cheesy

Old - interesting story about it

The Suicide Squad - James Gunn film, funny, some gore (depending how one sees it)

Don't Breathe 2 - bad guy in first movie, good guy in second movie (Terminator?)

Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings - it was rated highly, but I think its just normal (please dont hate me)

Venom: Let There Be Carnage - I dont know what to write about this

No Time to Die - a good ending for the Craig-Bond era

Dune - interesting, glad a second movie is coming, I'll be on board to watch it

Army of Thieves - feels generic, but not bad

Eternals - rated below half, but I actually think its not bad, perhaps not good enough for its lengthy runtime

Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City - rated poorly, I dont think its good, pretty bad compare to some other horror movies, but if one know something from the games that are in the movie, maybe one can feel 'mercy' about the movie, a baiting trailer

Don't Look Up - movie about a big rock coming to hit Earth, very good

Spider-Man: No Way Home - obviously a good comeback for the spideys

The Matrix Resurrections - dont think it has the same feelings as the original movies, feels different

The King's Man - I dont know what to write about this except maybe not bad?

2022

Moonfall - humans, aliens and interstellar war, Independence Day 2 ? oh its same director

Death on the Nile - do feel the first one has higher feeling of 'mysterious'

The Batman - Matt Reeves does deliver a good film, even comic character

The Adam Project - time travel movie, not bad

Morbius - just as most critics say, messy, I do wanna say why? on the CGI effect when the characters 'super-speed'

Ambulance - not good, not bad (as in I wont constantly rewatch it)

Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore - its an improvement over its predecessor, but not sure if its enough

Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness - first movie I watched in theater since Tenet in 2020, not bad not bad, but I wanna say I did have higher expectations

Top Gun: Maverick - do think its a good one, will congratz on the billion+ dollars

Jurassic World Dominion - rated worst in the franchise, I actually think its not bad, but perhaps the story is repetitive

I usually like the movie when it has a good synergy with its soundtracks

04:31am

Thursday

28-July-2022

2019-Update: Part III [24-October-2019]

24-October-2019
Thursday

01:01am
0101

#84

for the first time ever in my life, I fainted (black out)
wow!

life and event as normal, but today, during the bus ride, I fainted!
maybe I should jot the occurrence before I forget!

in the RapidKL bus 250, I was standing there, in my usual spot, suddenly I had a stomachache, then I was like.. tahan *saying what the hell in my mind* then I just remember my head drop, thats the last thing I remember, before I regain consciousness.. I had no idea what happened when I lost consciousness.. but I think the guy behind me was lifting me, I opened my eyes, I stand back up, then the girl infront me hand out some sort of snack bar to me, in that while I was still blur and I have the sensation of wanna puke (like holding something back in throat but it wanna come out as you cough)

then they just asked me to have a seat.. the auntie there surrendered her seat and gave me.. so I sat.. a bunch of dialogue.. then a "wind oil".. then following events occurred as normal on an working weekday.. wow never thought I would faint, I've seen people faint before.. now me, I did not expect that, I did not see it coming.

somehow this faint  incident makes me think back my surgery back at 2014.. how the medical officer gave me the anesthesia before I black out for surgery.. the last sentence she said to me was "alright, you're gonna pass out, dont fight it, just relax"..
the last thing I remember this time was stomachache lol

I told my colleague most of it.. he said, since I didnt take the girl's snack bar, I actually rejected her lol, well people that know I fainted, some asked me to see a doctor, do a body check-up..
well Im not sure, I actually wanted to do that for a while, but didnt.. maybe soon-ish? Lol
well most likely sudden low blood pressure? or just unfortunate timing of bad body position that cuts off the oxygen supply lol.. I read that fainting is a survival mechanism where the body detects the oxygen level in blood is low and it shuts down the non-vital organs and direct resources to vital organs (yea its right, we can be not-conscious but still alive)
or its just "Postural Syncope" as I was standing.. but that's my usual day anyway.. since day one.. why faint now.. hmmmm

oh well

-------------------------------------------------------

today watched "Terminator: Dark Fate", personally I felt it more impact-ful than the previous two installment.. I wonder if this will be the last performance of Arnold as the terminator.. 

*btw I found out that the sensation that you wanna faint after standing up from a sitting/kneeling positionis called "Orthostatic Hypotension", yes I sometimes have that too


01:27am

Thursday

24-October-2019

2019-Update: Part II [12-October-2019]

12-October-2019
Saturday

01:31am
0131


#83

short sequel

so today, a peculiar thing happened when I was at Setapak Central.
as usual, I left office, ride the RapidKL bus,
drop at Setapak Central, went to Ah Cheng Laksa to eat dinner (Pan Mee actually)

went to F.O.S to buy the promo 3 for Rmxx, the peculiar thing happened after I left FOS and went to Bata store to buy a new pair of formal/office shoes (as my current one is in a shit condition and got a hole), I was looking and touching some shoes, this dude walks up to and say something, I couldn't hear it as I'm wearing my earbuds listening my music.. but I noticed, so I paused my music (at the same time this dude walks away), so I continued my looking-at-the-shoes.. then this dude comes back and asks me "do you have psycho issues?" *his hand doing the finger-going-round pointing his head gesture* something like that.. and I just said no.. he walks off again.. and I continue again.. then he comes back again and tells me "people like you wear like this to be seen, [something like pointing my clothes, my bag]", I forgot his first sentence but this is the last sentence and the point..
and I was like.. ?????
[this is my Friday looks]
so I just said "I'm just trying to buy a shoe, whats the problem? har?"
*raising my volume on the har part lol*
and the dude just walks off
*with his hand doing takmau/nothing gesture*

even though a simple thing, it made me think.. maybe a bit much
when's the last time I buy a formal/office shoe? I came out here again and then met with this..
after I went home, I finally thought of a better response that I should have said..
[as usual for quiet people like me, also the meme)]

*censored*

also he's wearing clothes, so maybe I should have ask him to take if off, if you think wearing clothes is to be seen, then you are doing it too

-------------------------------------------------------

okay, now for the update, 

work as usual, did some task here and there, then seat rearrangement

thought people might move yesterday (Friday) but nope, I think its the coming Monday..

entire Chequeworks team sit together in two row 

spent some time and effort for the liquipedia dota2 pages.. 200 days now.. 165 more to go.. [for the achievement xD]

got some movies that I said I maybe will watch in theater, but I didnt

not until that movie "47 Meters Down: Uncaged (2019)" with dickson and the gang.. 

after couple weeks

watched "Rambo: Last Blood (2019)" with dickson and his gang

watched "Joker (2019)" after work, controversy on whether it will cause violence :think:

colleague went to Langkawi for vacation, pan mee auntie [my lunch place] also tells me to take a vacation.. well my colleague goes to vacation with buddies.. who can I go with? alone would seem wasteful.. cause I would not know what to do and just chill at indoor [like how I joked to my colleague stay at hotel room and order McD or room service x)]

some stuff is in my head but I just couldn't take it off to here..

*btw Im coughing for two weeks now [I was sick prior]

02:15 am

Saturday 

12-October-2019

2019~Update [30-July-2019]

30-July-2019
Tuesday


01:58am
0158


#82

so here I am again;
making a sequel to the previous update

dont remember how did the recent New Year and Chinese New Year went, probably as usual.. (since everyday kinda the same for me)
attended the convocation for my bachelor-degree at February-2019, damn it was hot (the weather and stuff)..

I know Tan ZG intern at my condo (some place on lobby) , but wow he remained as permanent and moved to my condo too (though I still rarely see him lol).. Cheah DS went to Genting for employment after finishing intern at Finexus.. not sure whether he'll remain there for long or not (probably long, after all.. dont we all want a simple life? (minus the boring and stuffs))..


officially, its been more than one-year with Finexus Group, but technically I feel like it only started at like December-2018... though probation ended at October-2018.. some stuff I would not reveal the facts.. you have to ask me face-to-face or ask me harder (dont worry about me forgetting, dont we all usually remember the first/beginnings of everything? :D). I'll stay here (at Finexus) for a long time..
the project (Chequeworksv2) is now going live soon (first, BoA), coming soon - SMBC,
(of course plan/timeline may change) previously v1 served around a dozen of banks..

remember several teammates/colleagues, several didnt accept the offer for permanent, others did

I cant recall much of the past few months... as Im focused on the present.. sorta..

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entertainment-side, whats there to talk about? much.. but much of it is available publicly..
I think I probably watch the mainstream movie releases.. such as Captain Marvel, Avengers Endgame, Annabelle Comes Home.. didnt watch several like Glass, Alita BA .etc though I watched them on their home releases, quite good (Alita)

also I spent sometime in making what I call as 'selective movie information directory'  summary excel sheet lol
I dont know, I just prefer seeing them all clump together in one instead of going through them all one by one on the net

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registered as a liquipedia user on August-2018, finally got promoted automatically to editor on March-2019.. been doing liquipedia editing since then.. not bad.. I think I can take it.. for now..
well when I was younger, I thought liquipedia/wikipedia is big, turns out that the managing ones is just some people in a discord channel, working together with volunteer editors
(also made me discovered that a common typo is that general people type liquidpedia instead of liquipedia)

also doing this has improved my 'tahan' as taking a neutral stance between arguments instead of taking sides and stuff (unless its obvious and stuff)

playing Overwatch as usual, some rpg games like Subnautica, now expansion Below Zero

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I kinda fancy RGB peripherals on my desktop, bought the SonicGear evo11 and a soundbar, now Im looking to get a new computer screen (current one is 32" TV screen)

been spamming all sorts of music in these period of times, ranging from trance, electronic, vocal, metal rock, movie soundtracks.. (thought not those jazz stuffs)

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I would say that logically and physically Im still the same as before, alone and lonely..
some stuffs I still do agree
but mentally, emotionally, probably better than before, as I read my old post of those social media, I realize that when I feel anxious/emo/depress, I post a lot... compared to nowadays, Im so dead quiet (well since I dont feel the same as before),

the goods; I feel better, I dont complain about my life
the bads; I rarely post, I dont make up meaningful sentences

again as I read my old post/status, I realize its so meaningful (obviously now Im more mature logically thinking, as I didnt hang on to the past), is it human nature? that in our desperate moments, we prevail

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actually someone reminded me of this blog,
forgotten but not forsaken.

well, we'll see when I will be back to update again.. I might have missed something to write about.. maybe yes maybe no, I myself not sure
'its too late for me, but not too late for you' I used to relate myself with that quote a lot, on stuffs about girls lol

*btw, its my birthday, sing for me? just dont make it cringe-y

02:47am

Tuesday

30-July-2019

2018~Update [18-August-2018]

18 August 2018
Saturday


12:05am
1205


#81

So its been a while since I last posted.. 

so yeah, I took the resits of Adv. CN and Adv. DBM, andddd passed 

results released during my internship / industrial training, 

BAIT305C Industrial Training

at Finexus Sdn. Bhd.

forgot when was the results released, but I rmb being feeling yessssss, accomplished!!! no fail!! xD

so yeah

Internship in Finexus was a-ok, under supervisor TC , like to call him Kataro (informal of course)

training for fieldpool 3, develop screens for Chequeworks

(cheque truncation solution)

did monthly reports, emailed it to Ms. Pua

got hired as a permanent staff at July, now going through probation period.. 

few friends were working there, Hiew CF, Goh SL, Goh TH, Lee CK, too bad they all resigned (for reasons), and they all went their separate ways, all the best to them! 

after getting hired, was transferred to another project, 3D Secure 2.0 

under Soo, 

(same as existing which was a security protocol for certain transactions, except this time adding more data for security purposes)

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I would like to think that if someone were mentally weak or suicidal, that person would have done so, if that person went through what I went through in 2014, the physical pain, the mental damage, the feeling of sadness, hopelessness, emo 

before that, I always think 2011 was the worst year of my life, due to that disease, 

after 2014 and recovery, I always think 2014 was the worst year of my life.. 

though it did taught me a lot of stuffs, kinda opened up my eyes, make me more mature.. 

nowadays, sometimes I feel like I'm "dead inside"...

I dont know

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of course, hoped I can pass the industrial training , and can continue to work (need money to survive)

hope the convocation is in Feb 2019, so can settled it asap 

12:24am

Saturday

18 August 2018